Prestupidism: The New Postmodernism

"Postmodernism is like, so passe," stated Mirtha Lucensios in her keynote speech for a literary conference in Nantucket last month. Universally praised for her groundbreaking work in Russian-American literature and gender studies, it must have come as a great shock to Lucensios when she was booed off the stage by a great number of the audience. Some conference attendees were so vexed by Lucensios' comments that they began to heatedly debate the possible merits of setting things on fire and "trashing the place in a deconstructive manner."

Defending herself after she had been ushered to a private room by security guards, Lucensios boldly asserted, "Well, it's like, so true. Prestupidism is totally where it's at."

That's right, folks. Just when people were getting used to postmodernism, wobbling around less awkwardly in its skinny high-heeled splendour, the fast-paced and glitzy world of literary studies has left them flat on their faces once again.

"This is terrible," sighed the store-manager of Macy's in New York, Stuart Lintz. "Our theme for the holiday season was going to be 'A Postmodern Christmas.' The window-display designs were all ready, the advertising campaign was good to go. And now? Twelve thousand yards of silk Jacques Derrida ribbon gone to waste!"

Spearheading the prestupidist movement is Bogart Winklebread: Irish literature specialist and young and upcoming star in the great constellation-festooned sky of literary criticism and theory. Author of A Biography of Seamus Heany and the considerably more controversial It May be the Potato Famine but I Haven't Got a Thing to Wear: Re-fashioning Hybrid Melacholia in Irish Literature, Winklebread has achieved most notoriety for his statement, "I try to keep literature real. Keep it real, and keep it fabulous."

"Prestupidism is my small and humble attempt to revive the pathetic state of the literary world as it currently stands," he explained, modestly rearranging his hair in his compact-mirror. "The decline is all reflected in the names. Think about past movements and critical approaches: 'Romanticism,' 'Futurism,' 'Modernism,' 'New Criticism,' 'New Historicism.' Such boldness! Such daring! Such hope for the future! And now? 'Poststructuralism,' 'postcolonialism,' 'postmodernism,' 'postfeminism.' What does that say to us? I'll tell you what it says: 'It's all over, it's all finished, we're winding up, closing shop, kicking the bucket, selling the cow, salting and peppering the baby.'"

With prestupidism, Winklebread believes that he has hit upon the secret to a movement sustainable for the long-term: a perennial classic, if you will. "Think of it as the little black dress of the literary world."

"The secret," he confided in hushed tones, "is in the 'pre-.' The 'post-' has been done to death, let me tell you that. The 'pre-,' on the other hand, hasn't even been touched! It's 'pre-stine'! It implies something on the brink of realisation. Of something wonderful about to spring forth fully formed. And of course, there's the second half: 'stupid.' Such unpretentious frankness in word choice has never been seen before! I'm amazing! Simply amazing!"

Even Winklebread's longtime rival and arch-nemesis, literary theorist Dennis Adrian Wong grudgingly admitted the ingenuity of the prestupidist movement. "It's sheer genius. Sheer, diabolical genius. Anything that comes after prestupidism is fated to be stupid," he said, motioning to the bartender for another beer.

"Winklebread is preying on the greatest fear the literary intellectual has! Most of us have spent the best years of our lives working like dogs to get the world to recognise how smart we are. To topple this movement, it would take a giant among academics, I tell you! A man like no other! Or woman. Sorry, my speech tends to be gender-biased after I've had a few pints. Damn the unconscious hegemonic structure lodged in my being! Damn it to hell!"

The exact content of prestupidism has not been confirmed, except that it is not postmodernism and, Winklebread emphatically states, "NOT post-postmodernism. And of course, not stupid."